I spent 16 hours in The Ned, every Londoner’s dream hotel stay — here’s my honest verdict

‘This is how you get gout,’ my friend says, as she takes yet another forkful of steak.

I look at our table, and it’s certainly giving Henry VIII.

There’s the 300g of Wagyu rib-eye, as well as a 44-day aged cote du boeuf, an array of sauces, fries, an overflowing bread basket – and some creamed spinach to keep up appearances.

That’s not to mention the bottle of Champagne we’d already sunk in our room.

When The Ned opened in the City of London back in 2017, word quickly spread about its aptly named ‘Sunday Feast’.

Back then, for just £50 you could enjoy what was London’s bougiest ‘all you can eat’ buffet. All the usual Sunday roast components were there – and then some. From giant Yorkshire puddings, and huge joints of meat, to lobster tails, mountains of salad, and, of course, the cheese board of dreams.

Almost a decade on, and times have changed — the feast now costs £120, but The Ned has earned itself a place in the heart of even the most hard to please Londoner.

If you’ve lived in the capital for a while you’ve almost certainly spent time here, whether to sip cocktails, enjoy a massage at the spa – or, if you’ve got friends in high places, pose around the rooftop pool, accessible only to card carrying members of the hotel’s private club.

Few of us, however, will have actually glimpsed inside one of The Ned’s 250 rooms.

What goes on up there, exactly? Are the walls papered with gold? Does the sound of A-listers hobnobbing and corks popping fill the hallways?

In the name of journalism, I simply had to find out…

What’s the vibe?

The ground floor of The Ned packs a punch. Famously housed in the former Midland Bank headquarters, designed in 1924 by Sir Edwin ‘Ned’ Lutyens, it stood empty for eight years before restoration began in 2012.

When you walk into the building – into what was the banking hall – it feels like Gringotts. You can’t help but gasp at the room’s soaring height, the original green marble columns, mahogany desks, and checkerboard floor.

Eight of the hotels 10 restaurants are here, arranged open-plan around the vast space, meaning that the place is always alive with noise and chatter.

In the centre of it all is a raised stage, where a band plays at seemingly all-hours of the day.

At night, there’s people everywhere, listening to the music or spilling out of various bars. You can imagine strangers becoming friends here.

There is a slight caveat: some of the clientele at The Ned are very ‘man in finance, 6’5, trust fund’ types, there ‘to see and be seen.’

That being said, let’s not pretend the mustachioed tote-bag carrying posers of Hackney are any different.

The Ned is ridiculously extra, but you can’t help but want to be part of it.

Okay, tell us about the rooms

As I stepped out onto floor five, the hubbub of downstairs was quickly forgotten. Up here, it’s quiet, and the sunlight streams through windows onto wide carpeted hallways.

And those celebrities I was sure to find wandering the corridors? It wasn’t long before my friend and I bumped into a very friendly Joe Wicks.

I was staying in a Heritage Room at £650 per night – the fourth rung up after ‘Cosy’ (£350 per night), ‘Medium’ (£450 per night) and ‘Large’ (£620 per night) – but there are still nine more room classifications above this, with the most expensive, ‘Lutyens Suite’, going for £2,650 per night.

The Heritage isn’t huge, but it’s still big enough for a four poster bed and free-standing bath tub.

Again, the vibe is Henry VIII with dark woods, antique furniture and swathes of heavy fabric – but it feels opulent rather than stuffy. There’s also a well-stocked tea (and biscuits!) area, plus a mini-bar.

Cowshed toiletries are provided in the white marble bathroom, the giant shower big enough for at least three if you’re that way inclined – luckily, there’s also three different shower gels.

Everything you could need (or may have forgotten) for an overnight stay is there, from a toothbrush to tampons. Each item has its own cute little drawstring bag, handily labelled with their contents. I had a little giggle at the one marked ‘condoms’ (because it’s just funny, okay?).

Food and drink

There are plenty of options, from Italian cuisine at Cecconi’s to Asian-Pacific-inspired fare at Kaia.

Plus, you get the sense that the majority of diners at the restaurants aren’t hotel guests, a sure-fire sign that the food is actually worth eating.

We opted for our meat-heavy meal at Lutyens Grill, awarded 39th place in the ‘World’s 101 Best Steak Restaurants’ ranking.

And I can see why. I’ve never tasted steak quite like that Wagyu rib-eye, which was so tender, it was like cutting into butter.

I’d also like to take a moment’s pause for the 15-hour potatoes – thinly sliced potatoes layered with fat, baked for 3 hours, left in the fridge for a further 12 and then deep-fried. I mean, come on. Plus, the starters aren’t to be missed: we went for lobster bisque and a lamb scrumpet.

If you’re not quite sure what to order, the staff are friendly, without being annoying. Restaurant manager, Marina, felt like a friend by the time we’d rolled ourselves out of there.

I only have two criticisms. Firstly, Lutyens is located within in a private wood-panelled dining room on the ground floor. Every time the door swung open, I could hear the band and noise from the banking hall, and wished I was out there with them.

And secondly – and this one’s doozie – it’s not cheap. Our total bill, with three courses and wine, cost around £500 (not including service charge). You can, of course, get delicious food in the capital for a fraction of this price.

A special mention also goes to breakfast, which was unexpectedly the best part of my stay.

Served at Millie’s Lounge (the site of the famous Sunday Feast) it’s pretty typical food: full English, avo on toast, pancakes etc. But it’s all about the atmosphere here.

Guests read newspapers while sipping coffee in the banking hall – it’s slower paced in the morning (it did take a few prompts before our teas arrived) and it has a a much more relaxed and well, lovely, feel to it.

Again though, be warned, two breakfast dishes, two sides, plus drinks (and pancakes to share) came in at £100.

What about the other facilities?

In The Ned’s subterranean spa the luxe, vintage aesthetic continues. The lounge area, ‘The Library’, features big, squashy sofas, more dark wood and of course, walls lined with books.

Taking a dip in the 20m indoor pool was delightful. It’s not a huge space, but there’s a few comfy loungers, as well as a sauna and steam room.

Guests are social, chatting to each other as they go for a swim (or a sweat).

The spa itself has eight treatment rooms. I enjoyed 60 minutes of heaven, aka the Signature Massage.

Again, the price tag is hefty, at £160, and if you want to cut down on some of the dizzying costs of staying at the hotel, you could opt out of a treatment.

As well as the spa, there’s also a hairdresser, a nail salon, and even a physio service.

Changing rooms are kitted out with skincare products, as well as hair styling tools.

The verdict

The cost of my stay at The Ned comes in at around £1,410 for two.

To many of us, that’s not just unaffordable, it’s ridiculous.

However, in my line of work I’m lucky enough to have stayed in some pretty fancy hotels, and The Ned might have just topped them all.

Perhaps I’d already put it on a pedestal, or maybe I’d just had too much fizz, but it was the most relaxing and luxurious 16 hours I’ve ever spent in London.

If you can afford it, you’d be mad not to go.

Kristina Beanland was a guest of The Ned, but don’t expect us to sugarcoat anything – our reviews are 100% independent.

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